When I Didn’t Mind Falling For Clever Marketing
I love Wheaties. I was a child who refused to eat anything for breakfast but Pop Tarts and unsweetened cereal. If you had told the six year old me that the seven year old me would choose a bowl of milk and flakes, Mom would have sent me to my room for calling you “crazy.”
No child likes flakes, but I couldn’t say no to boxes with Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and that red-haired snowboarder guy on them. That’s some clever marketing, because, you know, they’re still just flakes.
It wasn’t “The Breakfast of” competitors or recreational athletes, but of CHAMPIONS. For a kid who cried the one time Dad beat him in Monopoly, that was the cereal for me.
How General Mills Let Me Down
But recently, you’ve broken my heart.
I know we’re in a recession, but since when did cereal boxes go ultra-slim? When did Wheaties fall from “The Breakfast of Champions” to “The iPhone of Cereal Boxes”? What inspired this change, the Motorola Razr?
Are they afraid I’ll choose a substitute, because the added cost of producing Wheaties means the same box of it will cost more? What, I’ll buy boxes of boring flakes that don’t have athletes on them?
I like Wheaties. I will pay more for it for as long as I must, until we return to full boxes of cereal without blaming the excess air on “may settle during shipping.”
It Works For That, But Not For This
It’s 2012, but “sleek and modern” should never describe cereal boxes. At least smartphones are adding features as they get thinner. The air in the upper-third of the inside bag is the only increase I see. More like, I’m “settling” when I buy it, anyway.
It’s shameful, especially when I’m paying the same money as I did for the Greenspan-Era box. Now, I have to ration my late-night snacking, accordingly.