Why You Who Live in Year-Round Warmth Shouldn’t Wonder About Winter

Where do you go to get away from it all when you already live in a place where people go to get away from it all?

It must be so nice to live in a place that the rest of us consider an ideal location for a warm-weather vacation.

But, if you do, then where do YOU go for a vacation?

Wherever it is, I’ll be happy to take your place while you’re gone. I would pay for the privilege to complain about irreverent tourists if it meant never again driving behind salt trucks, or tip-toeing through parking lots to avoid breaking my face on black ice.

Live in a place with all four seasons, and you’ll soon dream of places where you’d rejoice at not having to shovel your driveway, navigate on-foot through snow-driven slush, or have your favorite television show interrupted by the same flood warnings each spring. 

Seriously, it makes me sick when all-new tv episodes are disturbed by something like “Hey, it’s January, and that means snow and freezing rain nonsense. We’ve got your forecast covered!”

Yes, covered in the same snow and ice that falls every year. It’s like a pattern, or something. We get it.

Who from Hawaii wants to spend four years in the Midwest?

I’m from Ohio. I also went to college there. I met people from places like California, Florida, and Hawaii (average low temperature is only 65.4 degrees? Awww! #firstworldpains). I realize that’s what’s meant by “diversity,” but I thought they were crazy

That’s when I had to explain to them the concepts of “ice-cold precipitation,” “horizontal rain.” and “Winter is when the frost lining your freezer falls from the sky and lingers for three months. Happy driving.”

I’d say “Shouldn’t you be spelunking in an inactive volcano after work? Or lying in a knitted hammock drinking a tall, Long Island iced tea thinking ‘I’m glad I’m not actually on Long Island,’ or jogging barefoot while gazing at postcard-esque views of mountains, lagoons, and sugar cane fields?” 

Those were exact words.

For some, snow and picturesque winter scenery are novelties warm-weather people want to experience some time in their lives.

Hey, you’re not missing much. I sum it up like this:

Snow is great when you’re indoors watching Home Alone, and burning your tongue with too-soon sips of Swiss Miss (w/marshmallows, obviously). But after cars drive through it, your neighbor’s dogs pee in it, and Santa has come and gone, it’s not so great.

Winter weather is like that quirky habit you find amusing about someone you think you like, but becomes super-annoying when you realize he or she does it all the time. 

See? Not so awesome, is it? The first snowfall is okay, but not when schools close while you still have to drive to work.

But I’m easy to please. I would be fine decorating a coconut palm tree for Christmas, from now on. You guys living in desert heat, or any place where they close schools just because of snow flurries (read: not real snow), send me an email, and I will gladly trade you parkas for polos, snowshoes for flip-flops, or ski hats for sombreros.

I’m serious.

For me, that means the vacation destination threshold is low. When it’s winter here, almost any place warmer than 40°F is worth a visit: Los Angeles, Honolulu, Las Vegas, Dallas, etc.

I can’t imagine what people who already live in those conditions do when they want to go elsewhere for a week. I mean, if you’re already in Miami, you must have to go to Tahiti or the Caymans for a weather or scenery upgrade.  

If you already live where most people want to visit to get away from what I just described, then where do you go for your vacations?


6 responses

  1. I love the winter. It’s great I don’t mind the cold. I’m from Long Island its a whole different idea of cold. I moved to michigan during the winter (no one said i was a genius) and it was a whole different type of cold. It was that soul sucking you will never live through the morning cold. I am originally from Rochester, NY but I forget that i only lived there until I was 8 so I thought I was prepared. I forgot how bundled up I was and was so not prepared. Long Island cold is so different from cold in Michigan and Upstate NY due to the salt water and not the lakes that surround us and that we aren’t THAT north uh. I don’t know if I could go through it again. It was crazy and horrendous.

    1. See, I know best the soul-sucking, cold-but-not-snowing kind. The big-city New York City kind is pretty good, though. At least it’s scenic, and someone else shovels it all. Michigan cold is just overcast and windy, huh?

  2. I always complain about the weather here. When it’s hot, it’s TOO HOT. Humid! Like hell. When it’s raining, it’s RAINING SO HARD. When it’s cold, IT’S COLD. Well, without the snow but still.

    Despite all your complaints, I still would love to see snow! I’m willing to trade places with you (I’m nice, see?) but only for…. maybe a week (not that nice, though). Obviously, we don’t have snow here.

    On second thought, if I trade places with you, who’s gonna show me around? Who’s gonna drive me?

    I changed my mind. Just adopt me.

    But no Swiss Miss. I mean, I like it but it’s bad for me.

    Wait a minute. You just mentioned Home Alone! I *knew* you love that movie!

    1. If you want to see snow, I’ll send you a snow globe and a post card of Central Park. Home Alone 2 is as close to winter as anyone needs to be, especially if you’re from a tropical place… LIKE YOU ARE. Appreciate!

  3. This is so true.. I lived in Ohio my entire life and experiencing winter in full force is something I do not look forward to every year! Growing up I always loved thew snow.. It always meant no school days, and lots of snow to play in. but now that I am older and I have to drive in it, I wouldn’t mind going somewhere else warm (but not too warm) for the winter!

    1. See? Driving in it is the worst. Maybe we need chauffeurs.

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